who, moi?

i'm not happy, no sireee

so, after subjecting myself to a holiday with a skinny sparrow friend whose ribs show through her back, another who admitted she doesn't 'let' herself eat dinner and another two who will calorie count their cereal..i was feeling a little porky to say the least.

throughout the holiday i was sensible, fruit juice for breakfast, a smoothie for lunch and then dinner - less than i usually eat.

and now that i'm back, i've had a tummy bug for nearly a week now and to spare you the details, i've not been able to eat or infact drink for 6 days now...

and YET, i've not even lost a single pound.
nope.

how is it?! hmmmmm. when there's these people 'oh yeah, i've lost a stone'

NOT EVEN A POUND

WARNING: don't read this if your eating.

it's just a question really...

how are you supposed to get a poo sample in a pot that's the size of a small test tube?

apparently this is something that's funny enough to make Robbie laugh so much he dribbled down his tie...

i don't find it so amusing

EDIT AND PISS: spoke to the Doc and she said 'if you get too dehydrated i suggest you go to the hospital to be put on a drip
i don't want to
and how do i know if i'm too dehydrated?

it's started again, the insane jealousy.

i think it's a guage for me of how much i like someone, becasue i'm not always this horrible green eyed wailing banshee (what do you mean i am?! cheek)

'so the new girl at work, is she pretty?'
'what do you mean she's sitting with you all day?'
'the girl who came to look at the house, what's she like?'
'there's going to be GIRLS at the festival!?'

oh yes, i'm terrible.

(here comes the mush so look away now)

he's amazing, kind, generous, totally and completely ace and makes me happy. i know he wouldn't do anything to jeopordise what we have, no way.....

so why can't i just SHUT UP!!!

becasue of the little voice in my head (sign no.1 that i'm mad)pipes up with 'but she's probably prettier than you' and 'what if he talks to her and realises how boring you are? and what if she's funny and makes him laugh?' and 'i bet she's perfect'

so why can't i just SHUT THE OTHER VOICE UP?

i must stop. it's all nice and sweet now. but it won't be after the 100th time of asking 'so, what did you talk to her about?'

my current obsessions are:

wine gums
and
nachos

i must have them.

i'm shortly to turn into a nacho...

mmm cheesey

i always wanted to be someone or something.

i know most children do. they want to be a pop star or a footballer or Miss World. but i'm grown up (debatable i know) and i still want to be something.

i'm ok at languages.
i can cook a nice cake
i could draw or paint you a nice picture

but there's nothing i'm really good at. nothing that would be my talent or my speciality. i'm just ok at things.

i will start something new and give up when it's apparent that it doesn't come as naturally to me as breathing does. becasue i want to be good at it, straight away. i don't want to have to work at it, not just becasue i'm lazy.... but becasue i want it to be something that i was clearly born to do.

i'm also evious of people who are

for example, goths. those girls who dress like they're a 50's Hollywood film star. the quirky girls who wear a mish mash of clothes but look stylish anyway. they know who they are and their wardrobes are clearly just full of things that are them.
ok, i wear nice clothes but i don't have my own style.

i'm not someone or something and i can't work out what i'm supposed to be....

"you won't recognise me when you see me next, i'll be skinny with nice firm boobs..."

becasue i got some L'Oreal anti-cellulite bumf you see, to bathe in.

that's the problem with an imminent holiday with four friends....none of whom are bigger than a size 10. it's enough to make you sew your mouth up and book an appointment with Dr Lipo.

i've been smothering my thighs (i like to call them 'hams') and my tummy with the stuff for two weeks now.

"promised results in 4 weeks. if you believe that, i'm a pink flying pony" i thought.

well, looks like i'm going to have to grow some wings and have a spray job, becasue fuck me...it works!!!

ok i'm not Twiggy, but i'm firmer and less bumpy and....yes..... fine lines and gargantuan dimles have been smoothed out (a little).

still more beached whale than beach ready...but it's a start.