*Blows cobwebs away*

not that i'm sure anyone would want to...

but you can find me here over here

it's a bit more interesting that some of the drivel i post round here!!

one of the worst things about being a female of the species is the things we have to cope with, you know 'down there'

not content with having to have hands and people and instruments and baby heads when we give birth, we also have the joy of having smear tests every few years...

for you men, this isn't a pleasant experience. quite aside from being naked from the waist down and having a doctor between your legs (not like that more's the same)they then scrape around your insides with a wooden spatual - probably the one the then make you say 'ahhh' with when you have a sore throat

so, laying there cold, embarrassed and uncomfortable, it's not really a good time to be told "My, you have a long vagina, the spatual won't reach to your cervix"

well, long is better than 'baggy' i guess

yes, i am. right here.

hello

*waves*

i must first off apologise. yes, you all think i have been working so hard that i don't have time at all to blog... well *ahem* that might be slightly untrue. just a teeny bit.
I have infact been, for want of a better word, crap.

i've lost my blogability. it's gone. even my blog that i've been writing for years is slowy fading away, awash with short lists and boring points. i still blog, but i feel that i shouldn't. i don't like the feeling that i'm writing pointless drivel (yes i know i am right now)i can't articulate my thoughts and i don't like feeling that no one is reading or if they are, that i'm boring the pants off them.

i'm still also incredibly jealous. so i apologise again if i grab you round the throat like a rabid dog.. it's not you. it's me. talk to him and you risk a serious tongue lashing so does he. especially if you're pretty. so beware and don't say i didn't warn you.

aside from all that, i feel a bit topsy turvy. i can't possibly explain why but it's not in a 'dancing on the ceiling' kind of way and it's befuddling.

so..... another crap post. and it is all rather upside down. but i'm still here....

my dear new blog friends,

i've not known you for very long, but i feel i need to ask a favour of you.

now i hope you won't read that first line and cross over the 'road', not wanting to help someone in need.

i realise you don't come here often, and perhaps you look but don't comment on the state of things, but please, just this once, help a blogger in need...

i can't do my work. trivial? no. it's not, ok?

i have work to do. i do infact like my job. but i just can't get on and do it.

i blog there. i blog here. i go on ebay. i email. i look at holidays and presents for people. i daydream. and then i start at the blogging again.

what can i do.

please help me

MoiGirl

Dear Mr Phillip Heath (from page 18 of todays Metro)

in your comment, you suggest that womens magazines wouldn't have to constantly run stories about how to lose weight if British women weren't so fat compared to other Europeans.

Firstly, i would like to point out what dangerous ground you are on here. Afterall, if British women are so fat, you're at risk of being sat on and suffocated next time you are in close proximity to one... expecially if she knows who you are.

Secondly, i would like to invite you to send in a photograph of your good self, so that we can see what a perfect specimine you must be to make such a statement.

Thirdly, British men aren't all that either you know. Mostly either, short, bald or with a beer belly to rival Homer Simpson and often with a frankly awful sense of style. If you take say for example, a London tube train full of people, i'm sure you will find that it is the men who are rude, smelly, sweaty and so intent on not taking of their oh so cool backpack, that they risk braking someones nose with it. The most unbelievable part is, that they somehow think they are God's gift to womenkind...as you probably do yourself and that they can get away with being so arrogant.

In all honesty, if women didn't see so many pictures of famous people looking startlingly malnourished and then being lead to believe that not only is this acceptable, but the way you must look in order to be desired and successful, then they would have far much more self-confidence.
And dear Mr Heath.... if the great British women had only half the self confidence that British men do, none of you would stand a cat in hells chance with the majority of them becasue they most probably wouldn't look at a British man once, let alone twice... much preferring a nice polite Frenchman or a sexy Italian.

So Mr Heath, next time you wish to make such a wildly incorrect statement...just think about it for a second or two...may i suggest a quick look in the mirror as well. Oh, and just so you know, such arrogance is really not attractive.

Yours fatly

Sammy

i'm sorry...apparently i've neglected you, i didn't mean too, honest, i just wasn't sure if you'd read me or not...

ahem
*embarrassed*

i'm in a tizz. i also look a bit mad
i'm going away tomorrow to Vienna...which Robbie already wrote about....

but i have so many things to do before tomorrow:
-this
-that
-the other
-the other other
-that little bit of the thing from the other day
-that pile of stuff
-that has to go in the post
and i have to pack

i can't think of much, i'm not making sense, all i can think is

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i'm going on holiday!!!

with Robbie

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

yesssssssssss

i'm not happy, no sireee

so, after subjecting myself to a holiday with a skinny sparrow friend whose ribs show through her back, another who admitted she doesn't 'let' herself eat dinner and another two who will calorie count their cereal..i was feeling a little porky to say the least.

throughout the holiday i was sensible, fruit juice for breakfast, a smoothie for lunch and then dinner - less than i usually eat.

and now that i'm back, i've had a tummy bug for nearly a week now and to spare you the details, i've not been able to eat or infact drink for 6 days now...

and YET, i've not even lost a single pound.
nope.

how is it?! hmmmmm. when there's these people 'oh yeah, i've lost a stone'

NOT EVEN A POUND

WARNING: don't read this if your eating.

it's just a question really...

how are you supposed to get a poo sample in a pot that's the size of a small test tube?

apparently this is something that's funny enough to make Robbie laugh so much he dribbled down his tie...

i don't find it so amusing

EDIT AND PISS: spoke to the Doc and she said 'if you get too dehydrated i suggest you go to the hospital to be put on a drip
i don't want to
and how do i know if i'm too dehydrated?

it's started again, the insane jealousy.

i think it's a guage for me of how much i like someone, becasue i'm not always this horrible green eyed wailing banshee (what do you mean i am?! cheek)

'so the new girl at work, is she pretty?'
'what do you mean she's sitting with you all day?'
'the girl who came to look at the house, what's she like?'
'there's going to be GIRLS at the festival!?'

oh yes, i'm terrible.

(here comes the mush so look away now)

he's amazing, kind, generous, totally and completely ace and makes me happy. i know he wouldn't do anything to jeopordise what we have, no way.....

so why can't i just SHUT UP!!!

becasue of the little voice in my head (sign no.1 that i'm mad)pipes up with 'but she's probably prettier than you' and 'what if he talks to her and realises how boring you are? and what if she's funny and makes him laugh?' and 'i bet she's perfect'

so why can't i just SHUT THE OTHER VOICE UP?

i must stop. it's all nice and sweet now. but it won't be after the 100th time of asking 'so, what did you talk to her about?'